Certified Bureau of Ocular Endurance. Est. 2026. No contest has ever technically been lost.
The Bureau exists to measure how long a visitor can hold their gaze against a single unblinking cartoon eye, using instrumentation that consists entirely of a button and someone's word of honor.
Praise escalates the longer you hold: adequate discipline, remarkable focus, and eventually a level of concern typically reserved for actual staring emergencies. None of it is independently verified. All of it is printed anyway.
Every contest concludes in victory, eventually. Immediately afterward, in accordance with the Bureau's Forgetting Clause, all record of your participation is cleared so the next contest can be judged fairly. The Bureau does, however, keep a running count of how many times this has happened, which it insists is not a contradiction.
Blinking voids the contest instantly and is logged as a personal failing, even though the Bureau has no way of knowing whether you actually blinked or simply let go of a button. It has chosen not to think about this too hard.
The Bureau does not offer rematches, refunds, or acknowledgment beyond a single number in a small gray font. It thanks you for your ocular commitment and reminds you that it will not remember this conversation.